Learning to exhale

Peaceful.

It’s been so peaceful for a few days.I realized on this little getaway - I’ve never been able to fully exhale - ever.

Constantly feeling tense, worried about the next unpredictable moment when my body will shut down to focus on survival…body armoring that has altered my posture…seizures that frighten me and highlight how awful the shit I’ve been through really is…

Normalizing

One of the problems with abuse is you just start accepting it as normal. So my physical ailments went unnoticed for a long time because: I was never allowed to have needs, so I neglected mine. A Neurologist even offered me Botox as a solution for my migraine headaches…my body was a tense mess…

slowing down

Sachi and I have been having a great time in South Carolina - trying to be lazy - not productive, not trying to prove our worth…it’s refreshing but at first, it’s uncomfortable.

I was laying in the hammock trying to tell my body “You’re safe. You have nothing to fear. Imagine the feeling of satisfaction - what would that feel like?”.

Trying to teach your body how to regulate itself is a difficult and exhausting process. I am mindful and present 100% of the time - that’s the issue…I wish sometimes I could just daydream and R E L A X.

gratitude

Love being able to share openly; here’s my hero ❤️