Update - Still Here
Ugh. I’ve been through so much recently and haven’t had a chance to update this page.
The good news?
I’ve continued posting and commenting on other platforms and I’ll easily be able to add details from the past 6 months.
This whole process is exhausting.
Incidentally, I was supposed to be testifying against my former doctor/therapist/psychologist in 2 days - but the courts decided otherwise.
Rescheduling is traumatic - I had planned so much around experience this for months: told my kids I needed harmony and calm (so difficult for 2 boys (11&4); blocked off 10 days to decompress and not add stress. I have CPTSD - my mental health is finally becoming a priority of mine.
Just another oversight when dealing with trauma victims…
We need protection.
What’s Plan B
What’s Plan B when contraception and safe abortions are no longer available?
Women’s reproductive rights are being threatened.
The Supreme Court is considering overturning Roe v Wade.
No longer having access to safe abortions nor contraception to PREVENT unwanted pregnancies is sickening.
My former Psychologist & Therapist bought me Plan B twice…because he wanted to have fun without consequence and I was the one who would suffer.
What would he do now? What will all predators do now? How will they quickly get rid of their mistakes?
Imagine had I been forced to have my doctor’s child…
I’d like to know how these predators feel about these laws.
Happy Mother’s Day.
To all the women and victims of some super messed up situations, I see you.
Why Didn’t you Tell Anyone?
Why didn’t you tell anyone?
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
That’s the first question most victims are asked after bravely confessing they were the target of abusive behavior…Really messed up when you think about it.
Here are My reasons for waiting 6 years:
Unsure it was even abuse - I felt very responsible
Certain I wouldn’t be believed
Fear of destroying his family
Fear of ruining my family
Fear of ruining my business reputation
Shame, Humiliation, Embarrassment
Coming forward
A friend commented when discussing the potential of my abuser having other victims: “I can’t imagine not filing a complaint if I were his victim.”
Um…I can. I have more evidence than most and I’m STILL haunted by the idea that I’M somehow responsible…
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Trying to seek justice after being abused by my therapist is doubly traumatizing.
I spoke with the state prosecutor today. The complaint I filed last year is slowly making progress. If there’s a hearing, it won’t be until Fall 2022.
I told him over the phone - this really is a marathon, not a sprint.
Coming forward isn’t for the faint of heart. But neither is remaining silent, IMO.
Learning to exhale
Learning to exhale
Peaceful.
It’s been so peaceful for a few days.I realized on this little getaway - I’ve never been able to fully exhale - ever.
Constantly feeling tense, worried about the next unpredictable moment when my body will shut down to focus on survival…body armoring that has altered my posture…seizures that frighten me and highlight how awful the shit I’ve been through really is…
Normalizing
One of the problems with abuse is you just start accepting it as normal. So my physical ailments went unnoticed for a long time because: I was never allowed to have needs, so I neglected mine. A Neurologist even offered me Botox as a solution for my migraine headaches…my body was a tense mess…
slowing down
Sachi and I have been having a great time in South Carolina - trying to be lazy - not productive, not trying to prove our worth…it’s refreshing but at first, it’s uncomfortable.
I was laying in the hammock trying to tell my body “You’re safe. You have nothing to fear. Imagine the feeling of satisfaction - what would that feel like?”.
Trying to teach your body how to regulate itself is a difficult and exhausting process. I am mindful and present 100% of the time - that’s the issue…I wish sometimes I could just daydream and R E L A X.
gratitude
Love being able to share openly; here’s my hero ❤️
Secrets Are toxic
Secrets are toxic
It’s been 10 days since I shared my experience of therapy abuse.
My brain already feels a little less obsessive…
Secrets make us sick.
From the very moment my former therapist declared his love for me, I bore the responsibility of protecting both him and my family…
It was all too much. I was dealing with agonizing heartache. Alone.
I questioned myself; I believed his narrative. He was wrong.